Feeling every emotion is important, living every emotion is more important.– something that popped up today in my little brain. Photo credit- self – on one of my retreats last year, name of the place did justice.
How often do we allow ourselves to? Why are we taught that feeling & living our emotions is a sign of weakness? Why can’t we cry in front of people easily? Why are we in a hurry to say, “I am OK” “Its Alright”? Especially when these emotions are of sadness & disappointment. I am not talking about huge losses or obvious rock bottoms of life. I am talking about the days when you just go numb, not because something went wrong or anything drastic happened. The days when all those disappointments and failures over the years hit you like an unexpected tsunami of emotions. The days you just want to hide and blast music on your headphones to drown out. The days you don’t feel like talking to anyone and if anyone (meaning well) asks you what is wrong you feel like punching the wall. Nothing cheers you up, absolutely nothing does, and you know nothing will.
In the past I have never allowed myself to feel or live such days. But nowadays I make it a point to, nothing is worse that faking optimism when you have not a shred of it at that moment. This is not depression, this is not negative thinking, this is not giving up, this is much more subtle. I know I am blessed, I am aware I have a lot to thank for, I am aware good things will happen at some point in life, but days like these are not meant to be forced on by gratitude or positive thinking. Most of us are living in survival mode most of our days, there is so much discussion of moving on, dusting off harsh failures, pep talks on YouTube or by a friend or by yourself, spiritual practices & books that mention looking within and after all this, the next survival task ahead just distracts us and we brush a lot under the carpet.
This is not about taking time to process anything, it is more of non-action, acknowledging these emotions exist, not reprimanding yourself for feeling a certain way, not trying to move on or cheer up, just being. Imagine having tea in silence with the elephant in the room, no conversations, no sorting out stuff, no processing of anything, just being.
Accepting the fact that you are human and though intellectually you have set those high standards of thought for yourself, you have developed coping mechanisms and survival skills, you have forgiven those who needed to be, you have had good times and good friends and you have also had those rare spiritual moments, but now more than ever, acknowledging that yes life hurts, absences are still felt strong, disappointments are still very very real, whether caused by people or circumstances, yes, there are still things so wrong in life, there is still so much more of your potential that is unable to shine. To sit in quiet hood, with no expressions, being in that space inside, nodding at these facts, nodding at these feelings, just being in the moment. If tears want to flow, letting them flow, but the most important thing is being unapologetically in the moment.
Trust me when I say, talking to someone doesn’t help because you see, you are not upset or angry at anything. Your soul is just tired, hush your mind and ignore your heart’s babbles, let your soul breathe, let your soul be noticed, your tired tired soul. Come tomorrow you will have to wake up, dress up and show up, until then JUST BE.
My blog was started not just to share one side of life, but all facets of it as it chooses to manifest. Hope this reaches people who have experienced what I have written here, know that they are not alone. There is someone out there that can feel as deep and as through n through as they do. Life when raw is the most beautiful.