The power of being Alone even in a relationship

Photo- One of my photos from New Zealand

Being alone has been feared and looked at with pity for all of human existence. Mainly because we are social creatures and in the wild, the prehistoric human had to stick together to better his chances of survival. Now that survival in the wild is no longer a concern, many people are preferring to live alone, at least aspiring to live alone. There is a kind of power in being alone. I want to clarify, by being alone I do not mean being lonely, that is a different emotion. One can be lonely even when surrounded by a huge family. Being alone is a choice, it does not mean being single either. A couple can be in a fulfilling relationship and yet enjoy their own space, they may thrive because of the fact that they get short spans of time on their own.

It is a preference; I will not say being alone is superior or inferior to living with a family or roommates or friends. I want to share my idea of being alone and how I thrive when I am alone. If anyone out there feels the same, I want to assure you, it is not unnatural, you are perfectly fine and I would reckon you are a silent force, with the power to manifest greatness.

Greatness demands silence, silence within and silence without

Thorvi Damle

All great inventions, ideas, literature, sculptures, paintings, etc. were conceived in silence. When the inventor, the painter, and the creator were alone, in their own thoughts. Newton was sitting alone under the apple tree and when the apple fell, he was able to observe it as gravity. Imagine if he had been sitting with a group of friends, as soon as the apple fell, they would have erupted in laughter, and in his embarrassment, gravity would have gone unnoticed at that moment. Maybe it would have occurred to him later, but the point is greatness and mastery are achieved only in being alone.

Most people will never understand the need for being alone and it can get frustrating. I love being on my own and I notice that I get a lot done in a short time, I am motivated, I am in a great mood and I feel amazing when left alone. This may also be partly due to the fact that I am an empath. I can sense and feel the energies of people around me and the worse part is at times I can sense intentions. I can see through the bullshit, I know when someone is deflecting me or gaslighting me, and when I cannot do much about it, it feels like a big waste of time. Have you noticed that most people thrive on drama, attention, gossip, and sensational news that adds no value to their life? They are hardwired to seek all of the above and unfortunately drag everyone around them down with this. Most of them are well-meaning individuals with good hearts, but the damage they cause is worse. There is a saying that an intelligent enemy is better than a foolish friend. If you are someone who wants to get ahead in life, improve every area in your life, manifest and work on your big ideas the only way is to find alone time.

What does alone time look like? Well, the ideal alone time is living alone, I cannot emphasize the power this yields. I understand that most of us do not want to live alone or have a fear of dying alone; in that case, create your own sanctuary in your room at home. Spend time working on your ideas, practicing your skills, reading books, listening to audiobooks, meditating, and so on. If you do not have the luxury of your own room, then start visiting places like the public library or temples, churches, gardens, find a quiet coffee shop that does not get many visitors, visit museums, etc. Get creative, if a friend can rent you a space or a room when they are away, that could be your workspace or alone time-space. And sometimes despite having your own room, you may get overwhelmed with the energies, I can totally understand, then try and go away for a weekend. Maybe a weekend retreat, a quiet hotel, or a resort in the same town even if you cannot travel.

What happens when you are in your alone time? If you are not naturally inclined to aloneness like me, you may find it odd in the beginning. You may feel bored and lazy as well. But once you crave your alone time, ideas will flood your mind in silence. Disclaimer, being alone does not mean being stuck to your phone in your room, that is the Opposite of being alone. Being alone must include silence, what we consume is not just limited to food; the media, music, news, books everything we take in through the senses is food, and for the mind this is noise. Choose one book you want to give your 100% focus to in your alone time. Log out of all social media during your alone time. Remember nothing is free, these free entertainment apps are costing you your time. If you have decided to write during your alone time, then silence your phone and keep it in your bag, sit in front of your laptop, disconnect the wifi and then start writing. It is best to write with pen and paper, especially while ideating. The act of writing by hand forces your brain to focus and coordinate the hand movement, which elevates your ideation, bringing you to the present. Choose the music you want to listen to, maybe you need some inspiration to work out or work. The basic idea is to monitor and be deliberate on what is allowed in your space during your alone time, right from social media, mobile, music, books, food, etc. You will be amazed at the results you achieve.

The above was a guide for people who want to practice aloneness in short bouts. Aloneness as a way of life is even more powerful. The choice of socializing when You want can make you a better friend, a better family member, and a better partner. The balance is maintained better when you are not constantly bombarded by people and need to acknowledge whatever they are talking, doing, and sharing. It can get really tricky especially when you have young kids or aging parents. Aging parents especially need a lot more attention and they get hurt easily too. But this is the key, if we practice being alone, seeing it as a positive thing then when we become old we will not dread it. Most marriages are need-based and this till death do us apart is the assurance of being for each other in old age. But look at the number of old couples who actually get to grow old together, hardly any. Most of them are left widowed for 20-30 plus years and they spend each day of these 20-30 years in the sadness of being alone. It is just not worth it, embrace your aloneness today.

A romantic relationship or marriage can function so much better with space. Both partners can practice aloneness being under the same roof. It is important to have these conversations before committing to the relationship because remember 95% of people are in relationships because they are scared of being alone, only around 5% are in a relationship because they genuinely like spending time with a person. There is nothing wrong with the earlier 95%, but communication and acknowledgment of this are critical. The biggest mistake people make in relationships is the demand of doing everything together, literally everything, even having one social media account. This develops co-dependency and when one person passes away or moves away the other is left devastated because they don’t know who they are as an individual. Their entire identity is that of a couple, it is sad because this removes the potential of what a power couple can achieve in society.

A power couple is not necessarily rich in terms of finances. A power couple is when two strong individuals function seamlessly together, maintaining their individual identity, respecting each other’s privacy, each other’s boundaries, and alone times, and yet wanting to be together and when together have the power to bring positive changes to society. Michelle and Barack Obama are a power couple, they have maintained their individuality and yet together they influence millions with their way of life and thought. Instead of aspiring for temporary love craziness shown by movies, I urge you all to aspire to become a power couple that influences the lives of hundreds. Another couple is Dr.Prakash and Mandakini Amte who dedicated their entire life to serving the tribal communities of Central India. They spent their life in interior villages surrounded by thick forests, performing life-saving surgeries with little equipment. They also saved & nurtured hundreds of wild animals, abandoned as babies or injured due to poaching.

To achieve any of the above, you must first know who you are, what you like, what makes you happy, what drives you and no one can answer these questions for you but your inner self. You can only hear your inner self in quietude and silence. Once you start practicing it, you will fall in love with it and will be perceived as dangerous by others, because people are in awe of those who can be alone, happy, at peace, and sure of themselves. Your self-confidence will soar, you will think clearer, you will get ideas that can change the world and you will become super productive. When you decide to socialize you will have a great time because you will look forward to meeting your friends and will be genuinely interested in their lives.

In silence and stillness there is stability, the sort of stability that is eternal.

Thorvi Damle

An Atom is made up of protons, electrons, and neutrons and is considered one unit. Many atoms make a molecule and molecules are stacked to create matter. The strength of matter is in the fact that the atom as a single unit holds it together with other atoms. Imagine if atoms started losing their identity and interfering with each other, matter would collapse. We will all become nothing in a few seconds. The entire universe is functioning due to the fact that atoms hold together in their individuality and give the strength for the matter to form, sustain and evolve. We are each atoms, unique identities that cannot be replaced. Collaboration can only work when we are together, united yet unique. Explore your uniqueness in quietude, isolation, and silence and make time for it in your daily life, I promise, life will not be the same again. And if anyone you know loves their alone time, understand, back off, and don’t tell them they are weird or odd. They are far ahead in the game of life than you, so observe them, learn from them, interview them on their experiences with aloneness and evolve.

Here is wishing you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day! Love the you within 🙂

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